I'll show you my blog.

Seriously, who gets PAID to write THIS sentence?

No single person can come up with beauty like this. It’s a collaborative effort, you see. Like so:

John writes:

“As a valued AT&T customer,” to be distributed to thousands of destinations daily.

Cindy writes:

“You may upgrade today at a higher price than what we can offer you on the (later) date listed below, along with a 2-year commitment and an $18 upgrade fee.”

And Dick (in legal) edits for delivery.

It’s a fortunate I’m not any more “valued” as a customer than I already am, otherwise my offers might also include a “Special Bonus Fistfucking”, or an exclusive “Gold Rewards Bucket of Piss Over the Head”, or maybe even a nice “No-Worry, No-Hassle, Bareknuckled Punch in the Cock.”

Ya pricks.

(via sloganeerist)