February 2009
4 tags
January 2009
Conner thought he totally owned me by asserting that kids get exercise playing video games by running to play them. Armchair philosophy.
I ran out of Eucerin so I’m making bacon. Soon I’ll be well fed and completely moisturized. http://twitpic.com/19klp
My real porn star name, cheap innuendo, politics AS USALLY, and an actual euphemism: http://is.gd/hSoG
My porn star name is...
Pffft memes. Right?
I’m nonplussed by them most of the time. I hear we all are. Then why do we jump onboard despite our supposed disinterest? For me, there are two answers.
Sometimes my brain is like a car stuck in mud, and the meme surfaces with all the allure of a 600-lb local - brainless but well intentioned, and helpful in a pinch. I’ll jump in for a round or two in these...
What we talk about when we talk about fear
Conner: Dad? Did you hear that?
Me: Hear what?
Conner: That siren with the ringing sound. Like an alarm.
Me: Uhh, no.
Conner: I'm serious, Dad. I wonder where it came from.
Me: If you're suggesting it came from the spider in the shower...
Conner: I'm serious, Dad. It's the most likely explanation for a sound like that. Monkey spiders always shriek just before they attack.
Dad, I'm serious. I reeaaaallly don't think I should go in there.
You don't want me to DIE, do you? What do you think will happen to me if I invade the territory of an angry monkey spider!?
...Well???
Me: (disinterested silence)
Conner: Dad, I can tell you're going to Twitter this. You're going to Twitter me dying in the shower from a monkey spider attack.
Me: It's awfully tempting, kiddo.
Don’t forget to attend my seminar in Spring on using your real name in a porn star name meme to achieve top results on Google!
My porn star name is Geoff Barnes. Did I do it right? Yeah baby, I did. I did it all the way right.
You guys hiccup I love you guys hiccup because you’re hilarious hiccup you keep me in stitches & I think this nitrous tank is almost empty.
Aren’t we all following the same 100 people already anyway? #followfriday
ONE THIRD of Exxon’s 2008 profit could cover the entire $15B auto bailout. They could balance Ford’s ‘08 books too & still have $25B profit.
The previous tweet brought to you by the imaginary Foundation For A Better Understanding Of Why You Still Don’t Drive an Electric Car.
How much are them boots again?
larry:
What about warped quotations?
joe:
things are commonplace, pictured often and generic
larry:
ah
joe:
my thesis is that by american standards i am a "regular"
i forgot why i am supposed to not like starbucks
or walmart
larry:
Their success, and the success of capitalism (in destroying democracy, critical judgement, and literacy) is in *everyone* forgetting why we were supposed not to like them.
joe:
"their" being the "administration"?
larry:
Well, substitutes thereof.
I just think it's natural - intended and foretold - that even those who originally knew THAT and WHY they didn't like corporate hegemony would eventually develop the amnesia of ubiquity and would acquiesce.
THE AMNESIA HAS YOU.
joe:
you think?
maybe
larry:
I do.
joe:
i am just saying i am going to shop where i can get the most for the money
i mean i dont mind paying $200 for a pair of boots but for half than that i can get a whole lot of groceries at the superwalmart
larry:
...as well you should. And we all do. But that pursuit has become central to what it means to be an American - and in America central to what it means to be alive.
How tragic that such is the landscape of options for thought now prevalent among us.
joe:
and in the summer the farmstands are plentiful but for right now 100 goes a long way at walmart
and we all do what we need to
There’s just no telling why all this snow reminds me of crazy disco sex parties and cocaine blizzards.
Who doesn’t love a pamphlet that confirms their shallowest suspicions about everyone else’s inadequacy?
That’s not what she said. It’s just...
Speaking of tax season, now is the time to shore up your dick joke collection for Spring. Before it becomes trendy again.
Ouch, that was limp. Used “shore up,” in a tweet when “bone up on,” was available. Hard times.
One way to succeed at dieting is to trick your body into thinking your stomach is full. For that, I recommend 4 cream cheese danishes.
“If the universe was found to be finite or infinite, either discovery would be...”
– In fact, both already are.
Christopher Hitchens (via mrgan)
Blip: "Jet - Paul McCartney" →
He thought the only lonely place was on the moon! How crazy!? Ahhhh, mater.
A letter to Jacques Derrida, c. 2003
I’m just sad he died before I got to finish it:
In this email, I am going to write you hatemail. By email, I mean to reference this transmission of characters. And when I use the word, “write,” I use it as a nominative verb, particularly insofar as it is euphemistically appropriate as a signifier for the specific activity, “typing,” which one performs when...
I’ve been asking myself, when did meaning in language die? Then, I remembered: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3729844.stm
The trick to greening your business goes beyond using “green” as a verb, demanding the strategic use of a small leaf in or near your logo.
Blackwater Falls, Google. Go.
Elephant in the corner: Bangbus. There, I said it, I feel better now. #TWITTERBUS2009 [874]
So awkward. I want to send the postmaster general a sympathy card, but I’m having the damndest time finding his email address.
Who is the hair trigger of nausea?
I return from an hour’s worth of snowstorm errands and you guys are planning to make a John Hughes film? #TWITTERBUS2009
Evidently, SUV ownership gives you license to drive like a douchebag in a blizzard too.
Is there a wine as full-bodied than Sheena Easton’s perm?
Scotchguarding the Snuggie so I can run errands in this storm.
listening to "Paint It Black - The Rolling Stones" →
Fluid 960 Grid System | 16-column Grid →
Terrific, fantastic library of working interaction design patterns. Thanks to Stephen Bau.
My lord. Did nobody here tag @nick for 7 Things?
RT @LidMo: *Life is sexually transmitted.*
It’s surprisingly expensive to buy enough monopoly money to fill your bathtub with monopoly money. It’s *almost* not worth it.
Someone just wrote the Twitter dev list asking how to put her Twitter on her Myspace page. Bracing myself for the shark attack responses.
What Do Women Want? - Discovering What Ignites... →
via @beeroux on Twitter. Real science is so shameless and I love it.
Understandably, I struggle to accept that 96 is enough rolls of toilet paper to keep in my trunk at all times just in case.
Smooth tweetup w/ @MegRCole @andreadisaster @curlyqpgh @unclecrappy @CarmanAvenue @rjdlc et al last night. Would get drunk with again. A++++