I'll show you my blog.

This much she knows: “Alaska isn’t a foreign country.” #EXPERIENCE_YOU_CAN_TRUST

Oct 1st

So the restaurant chain, Moby Dick, sells fish. Naturally. What does this place in Pittsburgh called...

Oct 1st

Because first of all, we shouldn’t play cards with terrorists. ESPECIALLY TERRORISTS WHO ARE...

Oct 1st

“Never would our administration…show our cards to terrorists - in this case to the enemy...

Oct 1st

Palin attended 4 different colleges to earn her BS in Communications & Journalism. And boy does...

Oct 1st

Palin excuses her performance: “In the contexts, this was a voter constituents hollerin’...

Oct 1st

Watching Palin/McCain interview. They taught her new words! Like “adversely.” As in,...

Oct 1st

McCain’s hard-hitting maverickism landed him at the bottom of his class at Annapolis....

Oct 1st

Adapting Garrett’s Visual Vocabulary to the particular needs of our message-driven IA...

Oct 1st

Legis-Lax™ Because congressional difficulty passing shitty bills affects us all.

Oct 1st

I’m thinking that maybe “recession proof” is a label a lot of fund managers are...

Oct 1st

Had not 1, but 2, pairs of parachute pants. And sleeveless cutoff shirts. And could breakdance &...

Oct 1st

Parents know that moment, when upon taking a deep breath in the kids’ room, you realize those...

Sep 30th

OH: We’re overshooting ourselves in the foot.

Sep 30th

“Consumers are major shapers of the U.S. economy. If they retrench, the country will go into a...

Sep 30th

I guess we took that whole “new economy” euphemism a bit too seriously.

Sep 30th

What with the economy like it is, I figured I’d put my kids to work being cute:...

Sep 30th

Jammer sighting. 8:50 AM

Sep 30th

Baby Bumble Bee

Sep 30th

Oh calm down people, the Internet will fix this mess.

Sep 30th

Roger Ebert uses common sense, uninvites one of the presidential candidates to dinner…...

Sep 30th

Lunch. Colangelo’s. Now.

Sep 30th

Free editing advice: Your I ♥ SARAH bumper sticker would more succinctly deliver its message if...

Sep 30th

I see you, terrible sinus headache now 2 days old.

Sep 29th

My 9 year old just laid out the smackdown proof for why Pegasus is more plausible than a unicorn....

Sep 28th

Holy smokes! Selling Thomas the Tank Engine stuff on Craigslist is almost as easy as cracking Palin...

Sep 28th

BREAKING NEWS: Congress releases a $700B bailout bill draft. You can read it on CNN.com. And weep...

Sep 28th

You may think dry, flat, & hot are related, & in the desert I’d agree. But on the...

Sep 28th

Unrelated: Brand new 100% combed cotton men’s size SM burgundy sweater for sale. Perfect...

Sep 28th

How does a near-complete freeze on government spending not equal a government shutdown? Beats me....

Sep 28th

Checking eBay for Alaska, after reading this morning that congress had reached a breakthru on the...

Sep 28th

Dear 900 PSI of sinus pressure behind my left eye: Don’t you have something better to do? Like...

Sep 28th

Why does everyone keep calling him ‘Bama?

Sep 28th

If I were to live tweet this cartoon -Kirby- my kids are watching, you’d all die laughing. The...

Sep 28th

The brownies I baked are a hit! I don’t think anyone would imagine the egg was 8 months old....

Sep 28th

I heard McCain was coached extensively to avoid blurting out: “I didn’t come here to...

Sep 28th

I let my kids watch the debates last night, and today I’ve heard multiple conflicts handled by...

Sep 28th

Throwing over half the remaining toys in the DONATIONS bin to take to RedWhite&Blue. Happiness...

Sep 27th

I look at Jim Lehrer and inexplicably I think: FEATURES CONFIGURABLE EYES AND EYEBROWS.

Sep 27th

Jim Lehrer looks like he was plucked from a David Park painting and stuffed into a suit. He’s...

Sep 27th

Remember what happened to Pheidippides when he finished the very first marathon? No? Well John...

Sep 27th

I wonder if an EMP detonation would actually *hurt.* Because if not, I bet it would make a great...

Sep 27th

McCain flunked out of finishing school after Obama wrecked the curve at midterms.

Sep 27th

Maybe I don’t know what debate is, but that seemed more like couples counseling than anything...

Sep 27th

Idea to help fund the bailout: Sell Alaska. If we promise to remove Palin from it, I bet we can...

Sep 27th

QED

Sep 26th

The real winner this election cycle: the word DIPSHIT, which is set to experience a breathtaking...

Sep 26th

Actually, I don’t know squat about the bailout plan. Or the economy. Which is why I’ve...

Sep 26th

When I’m feeling lousy about the world, I find solace in the beauty & innocence of my kids...

Sep 26th

Palin’s superpower is making Bush appear to have heretofore unknown mastery of the English...

Sep 26th

TAKES CARE OF BUSINESS

Sep 26th

Maybe the funniest Favrd page I’ve ever seen is MCHammer’s. I SAID MAYBE....

Sep 26th

Foreign policy experience? At lunch time? HUNGARY AS USALLY. I’m Sarah Palin and I’m,...

Sep 26th

I’m thinking now that I’m just going to do a write-in vote for a new iPod & some...

Sep 26th

Palin’s lousy, but “Lipstick on a turd” takes it too far. So I stood up for her!...

Sep 26th

Moved all my funds to the Bank of My Pillowcase. It’s not FDIC insured, but I’m sleeping...

Sep 26th

Sarah Palin’s principal qualification appears thus far to be that she makes Matthew...

Sep 26th

The Office hurts. Just like the truth.

Sep 26th

Palin supporters, you’ll love this idea: Since she’s going to be president in a couple...

Sep 25th

If I were Russia, I’d consider invading Alaska JUST TO SILENCE ITS GOVERNOR’S WHINING.

Sep 25th

Great hot dogs with @gjhead & @igierard & @patrickfulton & @uranys at Franktuary.

Sep 25th

Retweeting @gruber: Couric interviews Palin regarding Russia’s proximity to Alaska:...

Sep 25th

Palin begins an unsettling number of her responses by saying, “As John McCain has...

Sep 25th

Umpqua Bank has $6B in assets. AKA 3.59 days of the Bush/Paulson bailout plan.

Sep 25th

I would actually like my burrito without being yelled at, Moe’s.

Sep 25th

I’d like to see the Obama campaign shift from attacking Palin to praising her. For her stylish...

Sep 25th

Chronicle your sushi dinners, drinking wine in limos on qik, @namedropping 24 hrs. Watered-down fame...

Sep 25th

If you reach total enlightenment in the middle of making a snarky remark, does it prevent you from...

Sep 25th

I’m at Franktuary with a lot of people I won’t @namedrop about.

Sep 25th

I got to thinking about my priorities, so I’m going to take this Friday off to work out the...

Sep 25th

Now that Wall Street is in shambles, life is finally set to resemble the America of West Side Story....

Sep 25th

America, according to West Side Story

Sep 24th

In order to handicap the debate so Palin has a fair chance, Biden agrees to no-show.

Sep 23rd

Update: “Palin” still an anagram for “Plain.”

Sep 23rd

I am pro-cess.

Sep 23rd

Listening to Stimulus by m-seven. Better than acid, or so I surmise.

Sep 23rd

Hey Pittsburgh driver of Chevelle with tag PA GXF-3286, that Colt 45 can probably wait until lunch....

Sep 23rd

If I were in Atlanta this morning, I would be looking forward to spending hours in line to pay 5...

Sep 23rd

New blog post: Matt Damon’s right. McPalin won’t have a Disney ending....

Sep 23rd

McPalin no McDucks Story

Sep 23rd

Just how much does a rape exam kit cost in Wasila, AK? Ask any woman raped there while Sarah Palin...

Sep 22nd

Downside of severe sinus infection: I can’t breathe so good. The upside: total olfactory...

Sep 22nd

Every other day (every other day), every other day of the week is fine. Yeah.

Sep 22nd

While I don’t *fully* understand last night’s Fed changes, I’m a little perturbed...

Sep 22nd

Don’t simplify more than is possible.

Sep 22nd

Great impromptu meetip with @akernel and @jkresen and Dana in Squirrel Hill. :)

Sep 21st

Up an atom.

Sep 21st

Hi gorgeous day in a row # 7. I see you.

Sep 21st

Listening to Matisyahu’s Youth, every song of which sounds like it was recorded on “Talk...

Sep 20th

Letting the day’s beauty seep in. Nature’s antibiotics.

Sep 20th

MSFT: I’m not a Mac or a PC. Never was, even when Apple made those ads. I’m just some...

Sep 20th

The concubine never stops. SCORED AS USALLY.

Sep 20th

Nearly dropped the phone when I realized the reason Sarah Palin’s voice annoys me is that it...

Sep 20th

Alex’s favorite character on Dragon Tales hasn’t changed since the beginning. ORD AS...

Sep 19th

Arrrrrr we going to hoist some hot dogs into our scurvy mouths today, mateys? Crap, I’m...

Sep 19th

Lemminglike, we chase another Twitter meme to favrd. FOLLOW THE LEADERBOARD AS USALLY.

Sep 19th

My dad can’t shake his sleep apnea and it keeps my mom awake every night. Last night was no...

Sep 19th

My dad can’t shake his sleep apnea, and I keeps my mom awake every night. Last night was no...

Sep 19th

My creativity and time in the service of yet another Twitter meme?? WHORED AS USALLY.

Sep 19th

I started to follow Mike_FTW today right after he died, & it’s borne the uncanniest...

Sep 19th

Twitter 2.0 looks fine at a glance, but still appears to lack love from an IA. I’m interested...

Sep 19th

A drawing tool that only lets the user rotate objects in 90-degree increments is 100% excrement.

Sep 18th

Gift from the universe just arrived: My neighbor called to ask if she & her husband can take my...

Sep 18th

I guess the 2 followers I lost today were looking for something I couldn’t offer. Like maybe...

Sep 18th

Welcome terrific friend @akernel to Twitter!

Sep 18th

Hey Genius: Could you do something to ease the transition from Dr. Dre to Dr. Wayne W. Dyer in my...

Sep 18th

Confession time: I stop scrobbling before I start Dido.

Sep 18th

A drawing tool that only lets the user rotate objects in 90-degree increments is 360-degree...

Sep 18th

I noticed just now that Twhirl isn’t complying when I tell it to <3 a tweet. Sorry guys,...

Sep 18th

Thank goodness for the OJ trial. With all the financial craziness & political junk, I was...

Sep 18th

Put this on a t-shirt: I AM NOT A DRAWING IMPLEMENT.

Sep 18th

When I want to erase an entire paragraph, iPhone makes me tap a billion times. But if I want to...

Sep 18th

Balzac: “How sternly we reproach virtue for its failings, how indulgent we are to the better...

Sep 18th

Nomnomnom Pittsburgh hamburger us the best Twitter. This tweet will be deleted any minute.

Sep 18th

I was worried about layoffs because of the economy. But then I bought a private unemployment...

Sep 17th

Not worried how @mcnitt judges my taste, I’m listening to his entire, extensive David Gray...

Sep 17th

Oh my god help me. I clicked the “Everyone” tab to see what was going on in the world,...

Sep 17th

Twitter keys reminds me of the register terminals at McDonalds. Do we really need more ways to relax...

Sep 17th

Sinus pressure so high I worry a sneeze would propel me backwards at 88 MPH, sending me back to the...

Sep 17th

How many people do I need to promise to insure the losses of before the fed will agree to bail me...

Sep 17th

I can’t field dress a moose, but I can handmake oil paint that would satisfy Rembrandt....

Sep 17th

Misread that the fed’s about to spend 85 billion dollars to bail out AIGA & thought about...

Sep 17th

Follow-up tweet: Why am I the only such parent who doesn’t exhibit those affects? I stick out...

Sep 17th

At social skills group for autistic kids, the parents avoid eye contact with one another, pick noses...

Sep 16th

I just started thinking about it today, but who do I talk to about being considered for the veep gig...

Sep 16th

Updated for 21st century USA: If you can’t say something nice, blame with gusto.

Sep 16th

I blew my nose a little too hard, & now my ear hurts so badly I think it might have become an...

Sep 16th

I’ve never shot skeet before, but whenever I imagine it I think of my first wife. Flying...

Sep 16th

I’m behind the Cowboys. Because when they win, I think of my grandpa talking smack &...

Sep 16th

Because there’s been some inquiry (not much, but a little). About me:...

Sep 16th

Maybe I’m inarticulate, but I do not have the words to describe the depth & thoroughness...

Sep 16th

Biography

Sep 16th

Palin vows to shake things up, seeks coaching from Kelis, who can teach her but says she has to...

Sep 15th

I have faith. Just not in everything at once.

Sep 15th

Alright, bank. I’ll humor you. But since you can’t find my account by SSN or full name,...

Sep 15th

I want to hire the A-Team to destroy the Sears Home Service division. I watched all their episodes,...

Sep 15th

MVM: Spandau Ballet’s True

Sep 15th

Virtual mayhem in Vice City, San Andreas, others as Electronic Arts ends bid to buy Take Two.

Sep 15th

Lehman Brothers calling again. I know this is awkward, but they want to know WHY you won’t...

Sep 15th

Lehman Brothers called. They’re running a little late to lunch. Asked if you could change...

Sep 15th

Lehman Brothers called again. Apparently they’re going to be in rehab for awhile. Asked if...

Sep 15th

Hi, I’m the Sears automated phone system. Here are your options: Press any key or say anything...

Sep 15th

Alex with unbridled pride & enthusiasm: “Dad! I know how to spell ‘YMCA!’ Its...

Sep 15th

Lehman Brothers today revealed plans to complete the destruction of the US economy in time for its...

Sep 15th

I don’t know why our local TV stations think it’s newsworthy that all of Pittsburgh is...

Sep 15th

I decided to name my broken dishwasher McCain. Because it’s broken & old &...

Sep 15th

Had I slept any less last night, I would have proven existence of antitime, and Robert Zemeckis...

Sep 15th

One thing I learned from last night’s involuntary vigil from hell: Le Fire Dept siren works...

Sep 15th

All 3 kids tend to their under-the-weather dad. Alex whispers while stroking my eyebrows: “I...

Sep 15th

Had I slept any less last night, I would have invented negative time, and George Zemeckis would...

Sep 15th

Oh lord. George Zemeckis, Robert McFly, Crispin Bacon Hellion Handin Glover. What’s the...

Sep 15th

Incredibly windy outside. Just saw a terrier and a ruby slipper blow by while I was pulling in the...

Sep 15th

Power just went out. Phone battery almost dead. See you all in Oz!

Sep 15th

“Cups of water leaked from dishwasher after repair complete” is now a measure of...

Sep 14th

Waiting for iTunes 8.1 update, featuring “Real Genius Sidebar,” whereby Val Kilmer...

Sep 14th

The gun lobby loves Sarah Palin because already the sound of her voice makes people want to run out...

Sep 14th

Paid repair dude $200 to fix my dishwasher, made it worse. Next idea: pay kids in candy to destroy...

Sep 14th

Looks like everyone here says yes to the supersize offer. Every single time. For years.

Sep 13th

I bet you don’t see many of those antique “I like Ike” campaign buttons in Texas...

Sep 13th

Any time I am awakened from sleep by the sweetest hug imaginable, it’s Alex, and you can bet...

Sep 13th

iPhone 2.1 update seemingly gave my iPhone a roughly 5% performance boost. I guess that’s...

Sep 12th

The difference between a cup of gravy & a pint of pudding just exited my nose holes.

Sep 12th

The easiest dinner you can make your kids when you’re sick: pizza delivery. And it will be...

Sep 12th

Good news: furnace fixed &my family won’t die of CO poisoning this winter. Bad news:...

Sep 12th

Furnace repair: $360. Dishwasher repair: $210. 3 meals/day of ramen noodles until Halloween:...

Sep 12th

Maybe Levi Johnston is only one of many possible fathers. #maury_paternity_show

Sep 12th

Levi Johnston loves Mrs. Palin as much as he loves her daughter.

Sep 12th

Well, so much for the CO Bar business plan. Furnace dude just informed me CO levels are back down to...

Sep 12th

I recall thinking Bush’s inferior intelligence gave him a practical advantage over an...

Sep 12th

Levi Johnston to play Vader in Empire Strikes Back remake: “No Luke, I AM your father.”

Sep 12th

Am I the only one who sincerely confuses Bush moments with Dana Carvey’s SNL parodies of him?

Sep 12th

Furnace repair guy discovered CO levels in my house are 24x above “normal.” But...

Sep 12th

Maybe this should be the “lucky” 7th anniversary of 9/11. Because, hey - lucky 7.

Sep 12th

Kansas or Toto?

Sep 12th

Be fair to Palin: When we said Bush lacked foreign policy experience, he reminded us that Texas...

Sep 12th

A good friend will always challenge you for just the right reasons. Sometimes, to a fight to the...

Sep 12th

In a death match with a nasty cold, the passive stance wins. Staying home today, eating soup, moving...

Sep 12th

7 years ago today the nutball in front of me stockpiling 22 gallons of bottled water insisted we...

Sep 11th

9/11 was unequivocally terrible. But did we become better in its wake?

Sep 11th

Night Ranger. The end.

Sep 11th

…except that Night Ranger’s discography is marked by a dearth of hungry eyes.

Sep 11th

Listening to Activate by m-seven & annotating wire frames with all the mechanical precision of a...

Sep 11th

Like plain old fashioned LSD, if you use the iTunes Visualizer more than 5 times, you are no longer...

Sep 11th

Eric Carmen, I knew you had hungry eyes & I loved you for it. What ever happened to that love?

Sep 11th

I like Vanilla Ice, but he’s no Eric Carmen.

Sep 11th

I’ll let the genius try to upstage Last.fm and Pandora once.

Sep 11th

Portishead’s “Dummy” is a great album, but it’s no “Boats Against the...

Sep 11th

Considering how subtle a sex joke tweet needs to be to straddle the line between lame and vulgar. On...

Sep 11th

The more I learn about hadrons, the more confused I am. It’s intuitive enough to think gluons...

Sep 11th

Restaurant where we are eating features “little creamy tartlets.” Now THAT’S what...

Sep 11th

I’m sorry Genius, but if you can’t make me a playlist based on my undying love for MC...

Sep 11th

Funniest iPod ever? http://flickr.com/photos/photogeoff/2843934168/

Sep 10th

NSA has cleared the area and… I mean: this morning’s innocent power outage has ended...

Sep 10th

Suffering from performance anxiety trying to concoct a deeply penetrating Hadron Collider joke...

Sep 10th

Retweeting @mogrify: …a refresher on what the LHC is for, there can be nothing better than the...

Sep 10th

Large Hadron Collider aims to solve mass antecedent confusion.

Sep 10th

Inspired by @danamart claim that he’s 90% Zen. I’m more like 85%, the other 15% being...

Sep 10th

No thanks, Facebook, I’m not interested in friending my ex-wife just because we both attended...

Sep 10th

I’m 36 years old and I just learned to whistle. Through my nose.

Sep 10th

I’ve really been storing them up. And another thing. Hey AT&T, where are my golldarn...

Sep 10th

I was fantasizing about hooking myself up to a Stadium Pal today when I envisioned the bag breaking,...

Sep 10th

Glad my mom doesn’t follow me on twitter, because she probably wouldn’t approve of me...

Sep 9th

Laughing my ass off after watching @jkresen perform her “interpretive stirring” of...

Sep 9th

Why hasn’t Palin suggested banning any holy books? Or is that just a matter of time?

Sep 9th

There are words in the Oxford English Dictionary to describe language lovers so devout as to own a...

Sep 9th

The difference between heavy whipping cream & skim milk has forcibly occupied my sinuses.

Sep 9th

CNN: Secret killing program “must remain secret for now or it would ‘get people...

Sep 9th

The sore throat & abundance of bright, draining greenness confirm I’m sick. And deadly...

Sep 9th

…okay not “deadly contagious.” Don’t sick the NHA & FBI on me.

Sep 9th

Power outage at work means I’m going home to work at the dining room table today.

Sep 9th

Guys, those jokes about McCain’s age are among the oldest in the book.

Sep 8th

CNN says, “Ike hits Cuba hard,” & I imagine there’s a parlor game in the...

Sep 8th

Me and Alex after setting up his ant farm > http://bkite.com/01uXV

Sep 7th

Alex shows off his new ant farm and magnifying glass > http://bkite.com/01uXP

Sep 7th

Leetsdale Giant Eagle (grocery store) now has full-time accordion player on staff. Why not jugglers,...

Sep 7th

The incomparable Alex smile > http://bkite.com/01uZC

Sep 7th

Sometimes when I tap the “delete” key on by iPhone, Hahlo acts as if I pressed the...

Sep 7th

Girlfriend just informed me Beck is a Scientologist. Great. On what other illusions are my tastes...

Sep 7th

It is fitting that Erectile Dysfunction & Equitable Distribution both go by shorthand,...

Sep 7th

Rare is the candid photo wherein all the subjects arms are showing.

Sep 7th

Delusional. That’s more like it.

Sep 7th

Can’t say where I’m going or what I’m doing, because it’s really important...

Sep 7th

Newer painting > http://bkite.com/01uzI

Sep 7th

Having dropped my old iPod in just the right way, just the right number of times, I converted it to...

Sep 6th

My ex-wife’s attorney is convinced I’m hiding assets like private jets & speedboats....

Sep 6th

Thinking @factoryjoe should call the white house from his phone bank post. 202-456-1414

Sep 6th

Back to that whole interrogatory thing: Why would the last question not ask whether or not I’m...

Sep 6th

Do follow my friend, mentor, & boss, Elliance president @noaman who’s getting his twitter...

Sep 6th

If you’re an IA/UE guru, love marketing, make websites, & are looking for a cool job in...

Sep 6th

All these clouds remind me of sun.

Sep 6th

Saw this genius talking on 2 cell phones in the morning rush hour traffic learn the hard way that...

Sep 6th

Sign in Brighton Heights advertises “backhoe work.” Damn, brother! Beggers can’t...

Sep 5th

Whenever @ccsteff mentions hobos, I imagine pantsless clowns running alongside moving boxcars,...

Sep 5th

“Teach an illiterate adult to read.” First rate idea. Start with outgoing president.

Sep 5th

Just told Twitter: follow yournose - didn’t get near what I was raised to expect. Conclusion?...

Sep 5th

If you’ve ever seen anyone laugh like this, god bless you > http://bkite.com/01sKQ

Sep 5th

Im about to just step aside and let the 8 year-olds run this thing. By “this thing,” I...

Sep 5th

Helping McCain get erected plesident? > http://bkite.com/01thQ

Sep 5th

Whether McCain/Palin win or lose, I’m looking forward to a major improvement at SNL this...

Sep 5th

My son is too tired to eat carrots. But not too tired to rock out with his clock out once the...

Sep 5th

Sometimes I think I prefer the old McCain over what he’s become since 2000. Then I remember,...

Sep 5th

I’m pretty sure it’s not a good sign for tomorrow morning’s smoothie that my...

Sep 5th

Nice hot dog lunch at Franktuary with @gjhead @igierard & Dana Martinelli. Now bathing in tums.

Sep 5th

Because I need a free text editor for my work mac, I just downloaded TextWrangler. Or as I call it,...

Sep 5th

D’oh! Text Wrangler would more properly be “my codin’ jeans!” Now whut was I...

Sep 5th

I should leave now, before my eyes burn so badly that they actually vaporize and disappear. Because...

Sep 3rd

Not 100% certain that the guy driving the 4x4 ahead of me like he’s playing GTA is tweaked on...

Sep 3rd

Other drivers would really appreciate it if Apple had given me a free chauffer with my iPhone.

Sep 3rd

Google’s Chrome browser a wake up call to Microsoft who, not to be outdone, considers brash...

Sep 3rd

My neighbor with his bonfire of legal documents & plastic apparently doesn’t realize I...

Sep 2nd

Nerding it up at Anthropologie > http://bkite.com/01rk9

Sep 2nd

Just discovered proof that Bakugan battles are incredibly boring: Actually playing.

Sep 2nd

Can.not.wait for the inevitable comeback of “By the Time I Get To Arizona.”

Sep 2nd

My five y.o. Got on the bus for his first time today. Climbed on with eight y.o. big brother,...

Sep 2nd

My girlfriend tells me about a song she heard on Sirius “Movin Easy,” & I ask,...

Sep 2nd

Retweeting McCainsBrain: Happy Lazy Whining Wage Workers Day, liberals & losers alike.

Sep 1st

Coffee.

Sep 1st

I love everybody.

Sep 1st