January 2009
Expectant mothers: Remember this evening, that you’re also *celebrating* for two.
Crazy. Even wearing $250 noise-canceling headphones, I still hear the voices.
The most surprising aspect of the mass Zune failure is that there were that many users of the thing to begin with. Over 19,000! Wow!
Is it like a pre-game injury that Charles Barkley got arrested for drunk driving earlier today, before the party even started?
Whatever my 5 year old snorted, I think I want some.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if Twitter had some mechanism for sending your “Happy New Year!” wishes to all your followers simultaneously??
Hollywood’s idea of a great 2009 is a mega-budget remake of 2008 with worse actors and a shitload of new special effects.
Bad-mouthing 2008? Don’t forget that it was the year we elected the guy with the superior intellect and command of language.
December 2008
We still have an opening for a designer here. Great place to work, terrific people. Contact me if you or someone you know is interested.
Hey higher education: How long until prefixing plagiarized material with an RT alert cuts it as adequate source citation?
RT @CarmanAvenue: Pretending to be a lawyer always seems like a good idea at first.
It’s hard to imagine the fun of staring at the stoned passenger until she catches you, then quickly looking impatiently at the air marshal.
Clarification: Web designer. Interactive designer.
“Waco, TX” rhymes with “drunk dude swerving, doing 85 in his F350 while fist-fighting with his passenger.” Both conceptually & literally.
RT @CarmanAvenue: @texburgher Whatever. See you in court.
Institute for Applied Autonomy →
MESMERIZING. Totally bad ass to watch. SFW too. My god, imagine it all.
Seriously, your arboreal courtship and subsequent life together will inevitably result in oral fixation, incontinence, and silly dancing.
Tuning into Lite FM to be uplifted is like drinking vodka for the vitamins while running on a treadmill for the excitement.
Seriously, continental soldiers’ scrota were known to be so ponderous that it was frequently necessary to knot them to stop the swinging.
Holy cow, I didn’t realize how late it is and how soon morning will come!
Someone tell me, what’s a nice, mellow breakfast whiskey?
Neighbors sporting a new inflatable Christmas display since I left for Texas. It’s great to see Pittsburgh stayed classy while I was away.
I think the stoned girl next to me on this plane senses that everyone around her totally knows she’s stoned.
Cross trainers? ✔
LA Woman cued up on the iPod? ✔
Aviators glasses & cowboy hat? ✔✔ Here begins my morning power saunter through the mall.
What do you mean the Texas in which I grew up wasn’t “The Real Texas,” Christmas tree decorated with shotgun shells?
Epic fail to you if you declare anywhere linked to your Twitter account that you “love language.” Because, fuckin’ seriously???
I bet the presidential biography will reveal that the real reason we’re still in Iraq is W’s devotion to the Corey Hart doctrine.
Maybe it’s just the holidays, but waking up every day, rolling over, and kissing Twitter good morning is starting to feel depressing.
Strip mall, or indoor mall? Freedom of choice, Texas. Freedom of choice.
Nothing more incontrovertibly proves the impossibility of time travel than the relentless optimism of the high school commencement address.
Doing dishes at my parents’ house, disoriented and desperately asking myself, “If I were a fruitcup, where would I go?”
One thing about Dallas in winter, it’s so summery and everybody’s naked, which is true except for the thing about everybody being naked.
I love having a mature, respectful, warm, and easy relationship with my parents. [714]
Joy to the world! The lord is come… Wait, whaa??
This Jameson is the best medicine for hopeless alcoholism. Ho ho ho.
Merry Christmas, all. :)
What animal do I need to sacrifice to redeem myself for having totally screwed up the genuflection at mass today?
JESUS SAVES ON LAST MINUTE GIFTS AT WALGREENS JUST LIKE THE REST OF US.
Is anyone else a little miffed that @Jesus protects his updates?
What’s the punishment for putting the “ass” back into “Midnight Mass?”
Chinese restaurant owners and Jewish diners: You’re welcome, and we’re sorry, respectively. [715]
iPhone, voting is not boring, and again you fail the spellchecker test.
You’re not allowed to answer @JimmyFallon’s goofy questions anyway without shaking his avatar’s hand.
American Christmas Trivia: “Jesus” is Aramaic for “last minute shopping.” That’s why people argue about Jesus.
This remake of “Let Me Love You Down” tells me the end times are near.
Ah, Christmas Eve and mall dads in sweaters with sleeves so tight at the wrists, no acorns escape and the squirrels go mad with jealousy.
I hope the people whose lives I touch, both online and in person, will join me in opening their hearts to the infini… http://2009hopes.com
What good is it, in 2008, to have mastered the production of 2003 series websites?
It’s fun to have a That Was Easy button handy to push when you really slam your opponent’s bumper car or rush hour commute car.
Support Updates: New Resources, Holiday Hours →
As some of you may have noticed, Support has new help pages, and is no longer in the old FAQ format. Rather than a list of answers to your questions, Support is now more like a knowledgebase,…
I hope love, integrity, modesty, and optimism inform our every decision, that we take back our future and restore th… http://2009hopes.com