December 2008
Call NPR bourgeois if you will, but at least I know the etymology of the word “management,” and now have an ace in my snob card deck.
Returning from the mountain wilderness to civilization has me wondering why I can’t find squirrel pizza around here. It’s just not right.
If I have more than 3 oz. of hair gel to take on the plane, I can just stow away the excess in my shoe inserts, right?
November 2008
I can’t decide whether to renew my passport or just spend the money on 70 Pissing Calvin windshield stickers.
10:45 AM Who’s drunk?
Leaving cell coverage area now, deep in the Alleghenies. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
OCD friends: How frustrated is too frustrated if the bacon won’t lay down flat enough in the pan? Scale of 1-10: 19 or so, right?
The guy who discovered the edibility of brussels sprouts most likely had problems with erectile dysfunction too.
When the A-Team prequel gets greenlighted, I’m getting behind @wilw to play the young Hannibal.
We need a FAVRD Index - like a DJIA for funny stuff. Because screw all the reading, what’s the bottom line?
A gentle reminder: that pesky crust you’re relentlessly dislodging from your nasal septum is what’s holding back the blood.
There are many reasons Yammer is less fun than Twitter. And one of them really knows how to look angry from across the room.
Would you believe an anagram for Adobe Updater is “Bad Toad Puree?”
Um, yeah, of course you would.
If, at the grocery store, you ever find yourself in line behind someone buying a pregnancy test and a cherry pie, just… be extra nice.
Wondering what will we call the agency which discovers life on another planet. NASAtan. NASAntichrist…
And why don’t the “Dean’s Welome” messages start off with champagne and an invitation to slip into something more comfortable?
On ivy league websites, I expect the “Admissions” content to be a lot juicier than it ever is. It’s like they’re missing the point.
Snowing in Pittsburgh. I think I’ll skate home from work. In my car.
And then I was all, “Hey Stanford, you’re totally doing it wrong.”
And they were all like… Well actually, they didn’t respond yet.
Looking over all these .edu sites, I understand why so many degrees are terminal.
Conner announced he will be writing a book called Karma Had A Bazooka. I am gonna be so totally screwed when his balls drop.
Also, “I’k” = “I’m,” the contracted form of “I am.” As in “I am an idiot.”
Study Abroad seems big, but which broad?
I’k curious: Are there ANY websites for MBA programs that actually compell you to consider applying?? [would love to see examples]
Took @Tony_D’s advice & tried to calm down with Absinthe and Billy Grahams, but somehow I think I did it wrong. Like burn-in-hell wrong.
You know what’s a thing? Following someone just so your subsequent unfollow will trigger a Qwitter notification.
“Bling-bling” is not even a sound made by a magpie. It is the sound made by a webcock in Berlin. At least according to the whois.
She thinks I’m kidding. Actually, I’m stating a fact that happens to be hilarious.
I’d tell my therapist how I cried all the way through Bolt, but I fear she’d abandon me in a trailer full of polaroids forever if I did.
€731.72 per month? But how much is that in bird shit?
Spam on @Brightkite from “verababy” who wants deepen relationship ok. Privacy FAIL
How often do you search Twitter by keyword or phrase, as opposed to search by username?
Reading @THE_REAL_SHAQ’s updates, I am grateful my carrier doesn’t charge me for SMS on a per-character basis.
Magpie isn’t the first pimp-your-followers scheme, it’s just the latest 1 in which I will not participate. Brought to you by Simply Orange.
Regarding Bolt: I cried through the movie and was reborn in the resplendent glow of its narrative arc. Or I was drunk, can’t recall.
Why kids are worth the trouble: Alex just introduced me to Chuck, a hinged paperwad puppet clam “whose brain sticks out.” AKA Chuck Norris.
Can anyone point me to an explanation of how wordpress remembers avatars from the 1800’s despite me having long since deleted them?
Huge argument among the kids. Lolligaggin’ vs. Lollipoppin’. Which is correct? Personally, I’m partial to the more canonical S&M terms.
Jack’s turn at saying grace: God is great. God is nude. Let us thank him for our food. He’s kind of got a point.
Sengala? Not Senegal, but Sengala?? Oh well then so much for realism! There’s no WAY Sprint phones get a signal there. #learned_on_24
Seeing Jack Bauer sober again is a treasure no cheap Janjaweed wannabes can encircle me and violently take by force.
Hyundai Sonatas are good enough for Wall St. schmucks, too. #learned_on_24
Call of Duty: World at War is rated M for Mature. Because vengeful killing is the undisputed primary mark of maturity.
I’m not saying it’s the BEST thing about Senegal, but at least Sprint/Nextel phones work flawlessly there. #learned_on_24
You know who else could whip up a senseless, tidal meme with his followers? Uh huh.
If I trick out my Mac any further, two unequivocally bad guys will come kill me in my living room and bury me in cement. #learned_on_24
Hey guys, thanks a lot for post-facto making me #5 on 2 days ago’s leaderboard. I feel more special now than clearance deli meat.
Turns out it’s easy to teach kids irony by bashing McDonalds while lunching at the Qdoba across the street.
I just paid for a Dr. Pepper. I’m glad that conflict of interests is behind me. I feel clean again.
Has it occurred to anyone else that a great start to NaNoWriMo would be to stop abbreviating the damned thing??