October 2008
I’m trick or treating as a slutty 4th grader. How much candy can I have?
For Halloween, I’m going to discover that @SeoulBrother & @TinyBuddha are one and the same.
Best message ever! A+++ Would totally retweet. http://twitter.com/mayjah/status/983138850
I think @chrisbrogan’s #spotlight idea is so cool, I’m going to do it routinely for a while. So many great twitterers in my following list.
My trick or treating gang. Scared yet??? http://bkite.com/027u1
Alex is a penguin. Jack is the grim reaper. And Conner, well, he’s the scary one: weird kid with aluminum foil duct taped all over himself.
My avatar promotion this Halloween is medieval.
This Halloween: You won’t see them coming, and they’ll sack your ass with barely a roll of their underlined eyes. They’re The Invisigoths.
Who are your 5 favorite twitterers I may not know already? List and hashtag #spotlight
Hey Pittsburgh, 5 tweeps you may not know. Each worth following: @indefensible
@alinasmith
@onnyc
@mnmnj
@seanhussey
#spotlight
I’m not “going as” anything. I’m from Pittsburgh. We’re all zombies here.
Posting your best tweet right before 8:00 PM eastern is like going to a brothel with $10k in your pocket & jerking off in the waiting room.
If Apple understands its market, they’ll put a STAR THIS TWEET button on the next generation iPhone.
You’re all communists, Twitter, and I know you’re voting for Ayers.
Well, reading my kids Breton at bedtime is bearing fruit: they’re telling Dada madlibs stories at the dinner table and I’m totally lost.
Oh hai! I’m in yr voting machinez, favrding yr republikinz. http://hellotxt.com/l/rHDh
Wait a minute. “Swing state” means WHAT?? Oh that is SO disappointing. Not why I moved here at all.
Also in Pittsburgh, using “ghastly” in a tweet about men’s fashion marks me for death. So guys, it was really nice knowing you all…
In Pittsburgh, the fashion differential between women and men is ghastly. Yeah guys, that dress shirt really spiffs up those crappy jeans.
What else is there to do, when the tweet says “Help! There’s a psycho killer with a knife, etc,” besides star and move on?
I’ll bet the primary use case for Amazon.com mobile is dorks like me ordering science books from atop the porcelain throne.
This much time spent in the bathroom spells the end for my attempt at an all beef jerky diet.
RT @onnyc 99.44% that means his campaign looked into it… of course in western pa, race is a bigger factor. we’re only 99.38% non-racist.
Aw! I didn’t realize last night’s game was a MINI GAME. I love mini games! And maybe I would have watched!
I wonder how McCain’s 99.44% wink at the KKK on Larry King felt to non-white Republicans.
SIMPLY STUNNING. Just like pure, white Ivory soap: “…ninety nine and forty four one hundredths percent…” http://tinyurl.com/5t6rj7
In some of your tamer baseball-loving neighborhoods where the children of erstwhile 80’s hairband fanatics sleep, there will be Quiet Riots.
I lived in Chicago when the Bulls won their “Threepeat” championship. Tipped cars burned on Rush St. as the city’s collective IQ plummeted.
McCain “totally convinced that 99.44% of the American people” will be uninfluenced by race at the polls. That, my friends, is precision B.S.
Hall and Oates: at least they weren’t the ones who were out of touch.
By Friday they’ll be arguing that Obama is actually in charge of Al Qaeda, and that it’s our solemn patriotic duty to burn him at the stake.
I wonder if McCain has sent home the catering team yet.
When you mistype a wisecrack about being above the medium in which you’re making that joke, is the quality enhanced or diminshed?
Gmail’s claim that it’s “Still Working,” reminds me of when W. landed on that aircraft carrier and declared, “Mission Accomplished.”
This is scary. After writing that professional recommendation, I can’t seem snap out of thinking in well-articulated, complete thoughts.
Suggested to a brain surgeon today that his website should highlight only his “virtuoso achievements.” Imagine the look that got. Go on.
If you think plastic vomit on the dining room floor makes a hilarious gag, just imagine the added dimension of a real turd accompaniment.
Run DMC’s “Proud to be Black” confers to me the most contented smile, makes me feel a part of humanity again.
“Just reuse that other sitemap” is a formula for IA disaster.
The surest way to attract conversation at the office is to put on headphones & a Do Not Disturb message. It’s more reliable than Colt 45.
If Charles Barkley wins the governor’s mansion, I think Alabama can look forward to leading the US in economic rebounds.
Somber job completed. http://bkite.com/023zr
Our gerbil that died tonight was over 5 years old, the upper end of the life expectancy range. So in McCain years, he was “right about now.”
Well, it’s getting late, and somebody’s got to put on a black trench coat & a fedora to go bury the family pet in the rainy darkness now.
The gerbil’s name was Marshmallow. Pretty good, I guess. But how much cooler would tomorrow’s chanting be, had his name been Robert Paulson?
Maybe this is why you can’t have nice things. http://bkite.com/023d8
Three bawling kids & one dead gerbil, and I can’t stop thinking about what great material it will make. Shame on you, twitter. Shame on you.
When I read @thedayhascome’s “micropenis” tweet just now, its awesomeness butt-hurt my ego. Admitting that makes me feel better. Than him.
Alex made a drawing of his hand & labeled it, “hand.” Then I crossed out the label & laughed at his brilliance. He’s like Magritte!
It’s not like I’ve got enough on my hands feeding 3 hungry boys, so I’ll be live-tweeting dinnertime until the voice of my father slaps me.